The Simulation™ Archive #1147

WARNING: SEIZURE RISK LEVEL 9. DO NOT OPERATE THIS SIMULATION IF YOU ARE PRONE TO SEIZURES. To whom it may concern, Attached to this message is Memory Sequence Archive #1147. This Archive simulates the full experience array of Test Subject #381-A as part of Program 867B™, led by Professor Ludwig. As all of us here at Sim Labs are aware, Professor Ludwig has an outlandish new theory purporting to remodel the fundamental nature of reality. Personally, I find his new theory dubious at best. Nevertheless, Professor Ludwig has demonstrated some functionality based on this new theory in his latest simulation, which I believe he is naming “The Simulation™” (ugh, why do we keep allowing Ludwig to name things). Professor Ludwig is requesting 11.2 gigawatt-hours of energy per day to power The Simulation™. Program 867B™ has already expended more energy and test subjects than all other Sim Labs programs by a significant margin. Professor Rupert, in particular, has been quite displeased at the disparity in resource allocation, so I cannot simply grant Professor Ludwig’s request. We must gather additional data to assess the feasibility of The Simulation™ before I can allocate substantial resources towards conducting Professor Ludwig’s latest experiments. Archive #1147 hardly reveals any significant revelations, though it's vital we collect all traces of information pertaining to The Simulation™. And this Memory Sequence Archive does contain Professor Ludwig’s initial mention of his new theory of fundamental physics, upon which The Simulation™ is predicated. Please note, the test subject in this Archive was terminated rather quickly due to Ludwig clumsily loading him into the wrong simulation, as per usual. While many Sim Labs simulations are often extremely dangerous, which is why we manufacture artificial test subjects in the first place, I assure you that Memory Sequence Archives are mostly safe and will pose no physical risk to the user. If you are hesitant to experience this Archive because of what happened recently, you need not worry. The board unanimously decided to disable Professor Ludwig’s so-called “Ultra Realism Haptic Engine™” on ethical grounds following incident #053970. Rest assured, there is very close to zero probability of that happening again. Sincerest Regards, Dr. Bernard Sim Labs Director of Operations P.S. A delegation from the Muffin Resistance has just departed Sim Labs HQ. They have informed us that our current generation simulations are failing. Numerous valiant Muffin defenders are being ambushed and killed during previously successful military operations. I am uncertain as to what is amiss. Could the Donuts have compromised our technology, or have they somehow developed simulations comparable to our own? Whatever the case, the current status quo is untenable. We must expedite the simulation development process. I have mandated a 20% increase in productivity and the removal of several restrictions and regulations. It is imperative that we proceed with the utmost urgency.